Thursday, January 10, 2008 • 6:18 PM
we were smsing last night.
i asked him a question.
"after so much things tat happened, how much do i meant to you?"
he reply, " alot.. really.. without u i really dunno how..
and again i asked, really? you really wan to be back to who you are, you wun lie to me again, you wun treat me the way you treat me all these times?"
he reply, "dar dun trust me le ar?"
i asked him to answer me my questions,
he replied," i won't.. i won't le.."
all i tell him is, time will prove everything to me.
the hurt he gave me,
is too much for one to bear.
the trust i once had for him,
he threw it away and now he wants it back.
i dunno why i will forgive him.
i guess for now,
just have to wait for the time to prove me tat he really wanted to change.
i'll leave it to fate whether we should stay on or let go..
i feel nothing now....
Wednesday, January 9, 2008 • 12:05 PM
dun ask me how i'm feeling now.
cos all these while, i feel the same.
my life seems dead.
i stayed home all day and yes,
it's driving me nuts!
i asked him if he still in contact with her,
he said no, everything had stopped.
i believe him.
he asked me does it worth me doing all these for him when he treat me like tat.
i said tat's because i really love him and wanted to be with him.
he asked if i had second thoughts,
i can tell him straight.
i said i do have second thoughts on our relationship,
but hold on to it because i can't let him go,
cos i really do love him alot.
he tell me he's struggling to go back to who he is.
he tells me tat he wanted to be back like who he was.
he tell he he is trying hard to be back to his old self.
i know he is trying.
but efforts made by him did not convince me.
i'm getting really tired now.
all of a sudden,
i felt weak.
weak completely.
through all these time,
i really cried alot.
i even wanted to end this miserable life of mine.
i asked myself why is this happening to me.
why is god taking away my sweet bf and changed him so much?
retribution i guess.
friends around were asking me to let go,
not worth holding to someone who hurt me so deeply.
i did try to let go..
but something told me not to..
we've come so far,
so many things happened in between the 2 years plus we got together,
i told them i can't let go.
wad's most important,
i still love him so much.
tat's the main reason of me still holding on.
starting afresh isn't easy,
but i'm willing to give it a try.
the trust i had for him,
i will try to get back.
the time we both lost,
i will get it back.
all i want is to be your girl for life......
Sunday, January 6, 2008 • 9:16 PM
我是笨女人。
我是傻瓜，
爱情里的大傻瓜。
我发现，
我不懂得爱了。。。
i wonder if he knows he's all i think about every night.......
